Ramblings of a Delirious College Woman

Summer classes ended, which is good, because I wasn't getting a thing done on the days that I had class, especially when I had morning and evening classes. Now that classes are done, I STILL haven't been getting anything done... or not as quickly as I would like. My brother's house closed at the beginning of the month, and that has been a lot of work. It's all work that I don't mind doing (he lets me pick paint colors) but there are a lot of projects right now.

I recently started my job at the hospital, and I mostly love it. The pay is good, the job is better than I was expecting, the people there are GREAT, but the hours could be better. Dan works a typical day, getting up early and getting home in the evening. I leave in the afternoon and come home just before midnight. At least it's part time and temporary.

I have been hearing some complaints that Dan and I will be moving in with my brother. I do understand part of the argument for living with our parents for now (saving money) but that is where the argument stops. The rent is cheaper there than anywhere else, and I either pay for storage for my furniture for the next 10 months or find a home for it. Why do any kids ever move out? We could stay with our parents forever!! His truck didn't have to be the biggest or fanciest one out there. He didn't even have to get a truck, but sometimes it is about comfort. Sometimes we budget in expenses like entertainment. For me, living somewhere else is my entertainment. My job alone can cover the rent payments, so Dan is not stuck in a bad place. We are a couple, married or not, and we have made a commitment to each other.

We went out to the lake again this weekend. It was a beautiful day yesterday. Dan and I took a canoe and scouted out a place for duck hunting in the fall. It was very promising, but we have to find a better way to get the boat out there. Last night, I was up late with the Brians, and when we got back, I went to bed right away. Poor little Gomie was whining like crazy. Dan had me let her out, where she proceeded to puke her guts out for the next 40 minutes. She kept whining and didn't let me pet her. I was scared, knew something was wrong, and had no idea what to do for her. Brian went in to wake Dan and have him sit with his girls. He had been asleep for 2 hours by this point. I was on the phone with my mom, who was telling me that bloating and vomiting can kill a dog. Comforting. Dan and I took Gomie for a walk, and about halfway through, she perked up. She had some bad gas when we came back, but seemed much happier. We finally got to bed around 3, and I kept waking up to check on her - make sure she was still breathing and comfortable. She had to go out at 8:15, so it was a short night. There is no harder feeling than standing there watching helplessly as this girl so full of love and joy is suffering. I am SO thankful and relieved that she is okay. She is my baby, and always will be. It definitely put things into perspective for today. Dan and I were both more loving and attentive to her, and each other. I am so blessed to be in the company of such wonderful beings. None of the petty stuff matters.

Dan graduated from college! He's in the process of finding a job, but hasn't had much luck. There just aren't jobs without a master's or being a current state employee. He's trying to stay close by, but there aren't options ANYWHERE. I hope he finds something that he loves, but at the same time, I also understand that this is the first time in his life that he hasn't had work and/or school to worry about. If he wants to take a few short months to enjoy that time, that's fine. He's a very hard working guy and I know he can't sit still for too long. Now that he's cleaned up at his parents' house (and cabin) and done the same for my parents' business, he's getting antsy again.

I finally got a job with the hospital. I have applied every summer, but I know this lady that knows a lady... they pulled my application and I interviewed with the director in oncology. The pay is much better than I was getting, which is great. There are just a few things coming up that require money.

My brother bought a house! It closes tomorrow afternoon! I couldn't be more excited, but it still seems weird. The timing is perfect, because I'm looking for a place to rent for the next year. My parents are fine most of the time, but it's always harder to live with people. I've been on my own for so long, and it's hard to be told what to do and how to do it. I know how to cook, and I know how to clean. If I need help, I'll ask for it. I get overwhelmed too easily, and I need time on my own. My parents have been good about letting us go and grow up without them. It's too bad they didn't catch on when we were younger.

I've been taking summer classes. One ends this week, and the other ends next week. These intro classes are good at the accelerated speed. By this time next year, I'll have a BA in psych to add to my BS in zoology/health sciences. Dan and I both made the dean's list for spring, which was great. He's worked so hard.

I have so much more that I want to write about, but I'm not sure that here is the place. All I know is that I am controlling... what a change from Dan being the controlling one, huh? I forgive, but I do not forget. Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice, shame on me. I'll do my damnedest not to make that mistake again. I really am an open book. I hate being backed into a corner. And before you start saying bad things about other people in front of me, make sure you have your facts straight and some support for your argument.

It's been a little while.
February. Valentine's Day. Dan had his night class, so we went out for burgers for lunch. We kept it pretty simple. My birthday weekend, always a 3-day weekend for us. Dan went for his fishing trip, but I still got my 3 days of partying. It was lots of fun! There is a 42 ounce birthday martini special on Mondays, so Dan took me for this martini the size of my head. It was so good to try something new. The cup was mostly ice, so I wasn't drunk.

I lost a patient at work. Another one was slipping - he had everything a person could have. It was a tough weekend to be at work. I don't like thinking about death, and I've never been close to people-death. It's very different from losing a sweet bunny or an old dog (I even held her). It's a good experience to go through at least once, but it doesn't make it any easier. My aunt told me about her nephew (a pastor) who had to go with the bride on the day of her wedding to the morgue - to identify one of her bridesmaids. I'm scared out of my mind about death. Pets go somewhere special, but what about people?

March.
On to better things, like spring break. My parents went out to Colorado for some skiing fun. That left an empty house. Dan stayed with me (my mom actually suggested it) and when Ash came back from her band trip, we had tons of fun cleaning my Grandpa's apartment and being silly people.

I was sick for a couple of weeks in January, then under the weather a bit in February. In March, I woke up on a Sunday night like a ketchup packet being squeezed in the middle. Dan wasn't feeling too hot either, and called in sick to work. By morning, I was so dehydrated that I was lying on the bathroom floor seeing stars. Nothing stayed down. Really not sure what was going on, but I'm fine now. I love probiotics and ginger tea.

We came back for Easter. We made it to both of Dan's sides to celebrate Easter. On Easter Eve, I was done cleaning and started getting ready for bed. I went to my room, took out my contacts, and heard the dogs make a strange noise. I went to check it out and saw the pie my dad got from the neighbor (cleared their driveway a couple times) on the floor, with two dogs by it. I'll have you know that Gomie was on the other side of the room. I reached for it, and good ole Sammy backed up, but Midnight was startled and bit. He got my thumb behind the nail and we both pulled. He snapped at my face a couple of times and I screamed. I ran out of the room and saw blood on my hand. The fingernail was ripped all the way out, hanging by one undamaged corner. I called for help, and my parents and Ash came running. They got me some ice and Ash and my mom hauled me to the ER. I kept shaking uncontrollably, and my normally 90/52 BP was 140-something/90. Haha. The PA sewed the nail bed together (one scratch down the middle), put the nail back in place and put two stitches through to hold it on for a while. Pain? The worst I can remember.

Vicodin, while lovely and puts me in a high state, also makes me vomit. We were at Dan's side on Easter and went back to my mom's. I was on the floor in the living room, half passed out again because nothing would stay down and my thumb hurt. Dan kept rubbing my head vigorously to keep me conscious. Slightly salty tea brought me back to life. Dan did the dishes for 2+ weeks until I could handle getting my thumb near water. It's healing remarkably. Thank God for health insurance! And this awesome guy that takes care of me!

I mentioned the dog Sammy. He's Ashley's boyfriend's brother's dog. They have two very young children, a new puppy, and Mom is trying to manage it all by herself. We love him, all dogs really, and he loves being loved. He plays so well with Gomie, and he's learning how to be a good dog. My family is watching him for an undetermined amount of time. I hope he goes on the canoe trip again.

That's all for now.

Let's see... the end of the semester went pretty well. We headed back for the full three weeks to visit family. Gomie got spoiled and showered with love and attention. We had most of our Christmas shopping done in advance, so I was able to focus on stuff like work and cleaning my parents' house. My mom was lucky enough to get a new kitchen over break: counters, undermount sink, fancy faucet, new gadgets, and of course, paint.

Christmas Eve is my brother's birthday, so we spent that out to lunch and opening gifts. Mass was spent with Dan's family, followed by steak and potatoes for dinner. I love all steak, though Christmas Eve steak is my favorite. Christmas morning is spent with my family. Dan and I had each other's names for the name draw. He got me diamond earrings and a padded gun case for my shotgun - quite the combo I know. Christmas day was with his dad's side of the family. They have always been good at welcoming people and accepting them as part of the family - married or not. Between all of our Christmas exchanges, I got the four CDs I was hoping for this Christmas. I love a CD player in my car and Dan singing next to me.

It's been nice to have a future mother-in-law that works in hair. She knows EVERYONE. She found a place for our wedding reception... and we can do pretty much whatever we want there! Catering is open, alcohol is open... you name it.There is a common area surrounded by a bunch of shops, and it is large and open. The challenges: limited parking outside, not a lot of windows, no grassy outside area, and the stores are open on Saturday until 6 pm. The good news is that since we can't set a date, this allows us to be flexible.

My parents came up to visit. My dad found this restaurant he loves, and with my interview, they picked a perfect weekend. My mom and I took their new car ('08 Chevy Cobalt) down to USD. We left at 8 that morning and got back at 10:30 that night. It was completely not what I expected, but everyone there was so nice. I had three instructors talk to me after the interviews, just to be friendly. This was my last opportunity for this year, so I made it count.

This semester is going really well. My classes are somewhat intense, but extremely useful and interesting. With my science background, I know a lot and speak up in one class - I'm definitely that annoying girl I don't like!! Dan's schedule is a little bit crazy, and we each have a night class this semester.

I got sick during my night class this week, so I talked to the instructor and left early. Dan had a rash on his stomach, and we both have had sore throats for around a week. We went in for strep tests, which were both negative. My doc was a jerk and talked to me like I don't know anything. Dan's doc suggested the other thing I mentioned - mono. If we don't get better in a week, we're to go back in.

The snow is amazing. It is just beautiful and I love to look at it. The cold isn't so much fun, but early in winter when the snow is clean and white and fluffy... this is a pretty time of year. I don't remember being this excited for Christmas in a long time. The shopping, the music, and the holiday energy have taken over.

Classes are going well for the most part. My classes are looking so good at this point, and I'm relieved of taking finals in two of them. My science class is the one tough one, go figure, and we just finished our papers. I had half written before he posted further instructions. The focus of my paper needed changed, with a week before the due date. That week was Thanksgiving, so my wonderful plans of a long weekend and socializing got put on hold. This is why procrastination can be a good thing; I wouldn't have written two papers for one grade. My other classes are going remarkably well.

Thanksgiving was really good. We had a simple lunch with my family, then a big turkey dinner with Dan's family. That is when everyone got the news that Dan is going to be an uncle!! On Friday, my family had our "real" Thanksgiving meal, where I opened my bottle of wine from California. Too bad I developed a taste aversion for wine after wine tasting in CA over spring break, and then here when my parents came up after graduation.

Dan had his senior presentation on Friday. I went to support him and give some feedback. He is really just relieved to be done. He looked pretty sharp that day.

This has been a very good year with lots of exciting things. The only thing left that I could ask for is to get an offer for PA school. What a life.

Sometimes I am impatient. I have a hard time waiting for something, especially when I know that it will happen. The engagement is a primary example. I waited though, and we have both come out better for it. I see relationships start and stop in the blink of an eye, and it is usually because someone couldn't wait for something to happen. Had something happened, they probably would have stayed together. This girl I know just sent me an email. She has been seeing this guy for just over a year, and moved in with him in January. He has her doing all of the house chores, even the ones he agreed to do. He isn't ready to commit, but she is ready to get engaged or even married. She has lots of problems with him, but doesn't want to look for anyone else. She's ready now. She'll give it a year. His school will take him 6-7 years, and she won't wait that long for anyone.

What have we come to where two people that "love" each other can't be happy with that? Why is it not enough? Why isn't it good enough to know that these things will come some day? My future mother-in-law (MIL) was telling me not to worry about PA school, because it's only two years, and even if it is time away from Dan, that's nothing when we have forever. Why isn't that enough for the rest of the world? Why are we rushing through things we only get to experience once?

Another piece of wisdom from my future MIL. Her other son was asking questions for extra credit for health class, and her answer for one was that teens shouldn't have sex or show affection because they don't know what love is. I apologized to Dan and told him that I've only loved him for the past year and a half. She realized what she said, and still stood by it. She asked if my feelings for him have changed. I confirmed that they have, but it's more that we've been together for five years, not that we're older. I'm sure my feelings will be different in another five years, but it's always been love.

I should just let this go, because it's not a big deal. Nobody else can tell me what I am capable of. It's just... for the sake of the rest of the teen relationships, I need to say this. When your 6-year-old kid tells you that they love you, do you dismiss it because they just don't know what it is? I hope not. Their prefrontal cortex is not fully developed, so they don't really understand consequences, have social control, or determine future outcomes. The way they love is different from the way someone older loves, but they have these feelings just the same. The challenge is that they have a harder time predicting future outcomes, but don't we all sometimes? That's why we have God - to fill in the unknown.

Our anniversary was Saturday. I went out to the cabin to spend some time with Dan after he went deer hunting. We met 7 years ago when I was manager for the swim team, and became friends that February. I admitted to liking him in May, but my friend liked him too. I told him I still liked him at the end of October the next year. We almost kissed at a birthday party on November 1st. He sent me an email to watch Romeo & Juliet with him for November 3rd. I kissed him, and he asked me to be his girlfriend. I went home beaming with pride. My mom's response was "It's about time." Now that I think about it, I'm not sure why they weren't hunting that weekend. He went the following weekend when I was at sections. Hmm.

I got waitlisted for Iowa. It's definitely not what I wanted to hear, but it's better than nothing. I am hoping for the best, and I know this is what I want. I still have three schools to hear from. I really want to be in my program next year. *I've waited for it long enough - I shouldn't have to wait any longer* ;)

I have/had 4 tests this week. I had two yesterday, one today, and one tomorrow. I got 100% on psych yesterday, and I feel good about the other two so far. The one tomorrow should be a breeze because it is medical terminology. This is my stuff! I love to be taking classes that I care about. My schedule for next semester looks really good too.

Edit: His ex is back. She's single again and wants to chat with him.

My parents officially bought me a graduation present. I have a three-piece suit with three dress shirts. That got me ready for all of my interviews in the future.

I had the interview two weeks from tomorrow. My mom made the 5 hour drive with me. Northern Iowa is not exciting at all. The school... They have state-of-the-art equipment and technology to facilitate learning, everyone is issued the same laptop at the start of classes, and the faculty is amazing. They also work with the students to get rotations at pretty much any location (so I might actually get to live in my future house). Campus was great - it is all health sciences, the buildings are brand new and connected by tunnels, and the campus community was very welcoming and charming. I wasn't expecting to love the school as much as I did, or to feel such a pull to be somewhere. It was very exciting. The interviews were divided into two different rooms with two staff members in each. The first room was tough, and they didn't talk to me or write down answers. They just stared at me with blank faces when I got done talking. The other interviewee and I switched rooms, complaining of the same thing: no conversation. The second room was great, and I felt a connection with the interviewers. They agreed with all of my comments and answers, and I felt really good about it. The other interviewee had the same experience in her second room (my first room). They said it will take closer to three weeks to hear back from them, so about a week longer...

I got one rejection letter thus far, and I was expecting it. They take 14 students per year, with over 200 applicants. I know that there are people with more experience and better grades. There always will be. How do you show heart on paper? Anyway, the other school I heard from sent me a letter saying that they will not consider me any more because my application is incomplete and we are past the 10/1 deadline. Once the shock passed, I resolved to call them. They beat me to it and called this morning to let me know that they had a miscommunication in their office and my application IS complete - they will let me know their decision in December. I'm glad it was a problem at their end, not mine.

I bought my wedding dress! It was over a month ago and I went just to look and get ideas. The first dress I tried on was the one I walked out with. I couldn't leave without it. It is different from everyone else's. It was weird for Dan and me to have this dress (hidden in a dress bag) hanging in our closet until I brought it to my parents' house. The saleslady said that it is never too early to get the dress, especially the one that you love. Imagine finding THE dress and not getting it. Every dress after that is compared to the first. That and my dress is quite a bit too big (on purpose) so if I gain a ton of weight between now and then, it will still fit. It might not need anything taken off the bottom, so alterations shouldn't be too bad.

The basement of this house that we are living in is pretty old, and boys have definitely been living here. The owner has agreed to let me paint the basement and the laundry room. The laundry room is just drywall right now, so I am doing all of the taping and mudding. It's a calming activity, but requires lots of patience. It's going to look so good!

I got an interview at Des Moines University for their PA Program! I was in shock when I got the call - I was not expecting to hear from them. I have to miss class that day, and spend the night in Iowa before the interview. The application and interview process is quite a financial commitment! I would love to get in to several different schools and get to choose, but the most important thing is getting in at all. I am nervous for the interview, but everyone gets nervous for these things. All I need is to straighten out my thoughts and think before I speak.

Our first round of tests is this week. It's hard to believe that it's here already. We went to the football game this past weekend, and it was so much fun! Just when we thought the game was over, we got another touchdown that gave us the victory. All this in just 33 seconds of game time.

With all that, things have been going pretty well. The wedding plans are coming together, slowly but surely. Right now we just look at the different options and keep track of what is out there. Everything will fall into place. It always does. I just didn't realize how political weddings really are...

I love my life. Just thought you should know.

One really gets an appreciation for family at weird times. It wasn't until Dan and I got engaged that I realized... he's always been part of my mom's extended family. You get grandfathered in after putting in your time, whether or not you've signed the marriage license. For the rest of the world, I'm not family until we've said "I do." Marriage doesn't guarantee anything. There was a cute old couple at the hospital, and when I asked how long they've been married, she said, "Oh can't you tell? We're joined at the hip... it's been 58 years." She said the secret is not to give up through the trying times. He said, "What trying times?" and she said he was dreaming. I laughed and said that (dreaming) must be the other secret. They were both sweet, doing nice things for each other. I hope to be able to express my love when we're old.

I went back for the last weekend in July. That one is a special one, because most of Dan's family goes camping, which leaves the cabin open. It was the two of us and his brother. We went fishing whenever we wanted, we stayed up late around the fire, we slept in... It was just great. I had some job shadowing in there, and it went well. I can really see myself doing that work. I did some shadowing again when I came up here, and it does seem that it is possible to get married while still in school. We just need to have most of the planning done before I go, which shouldn't be a problem.

I went back for Gomie's second birthday. She had a cake and presents and everything. We spent the weekend out at the lake, and it was a very quiet weekend - NICE. I got my wisdom teeth out that Monday and was eating solid foods the same day. Not quite what Kim went through last summer.

We left on Saturday morning WITH A BOAT for hunting. Our families were so funny, trying not to be completely obvious about keeping us there for just a little bit longer. They're parents and they have a hard time letting go. It's kind of expected. We still got out of there in the early afternoon, and we needed all the time we had. We were 20 miles from OUR home, and the trailer Dan was pulling swerved like crazy. I hit the brakes, and we both pulled over. The nut came out of the trailer ball, so we almost lost the trailer! I walked back in the rain to see if I could find the nut, but no luck. I drove to the nearest town, but everything was closed. I had to drive to Moorhead to get a new trailer ball, and we were able to get back on the road an hour later. No trip is complete without an adventure! It has been so great spending time together. This year seems different from the others. He gave me a cold, and I'm excited about it.

We went scouting for hunting places today, and hit a lot of promising spots. Gomie was able to go with us, and she loved every minute. We stopped at the dog park on the way back, and she is sooo worn out now. I love this little family we have created! I can work during the week, with my Tuesday/Thursday class schedule, so we both have this weekend off spend together. It is just perfect!

We moved the wedding a year closer, so it's about a year and a half now. We have a lot of the main ideas figured out, but smoothing out the details is going to be harder and have to wait until we have stuff like dresses picked out. I don't really know what color I want, so it depends on what we find. We picked out our wedding bands already. Mel told me that with the price of gold, we should order that sooner rather than later. They carved the wax model and Dan and I both like it. They're casting it, and it should be ready in a couple of weeks. I am so excited!! Dan picked out the ideas for his ring, and it's going to look so sharp. It will be two-tone like mine. We agreed on a best man, but want to wait until we have more ideas figured out before we ask. I haven't asked anyone yet either, because I know that we have time. It's so exciting to see all of this unfolding the way that I imagined. Kim told me that it was worth waiting, because unlike so many people, I get my happy ending. I get my happily ever after. I get to grow old with Dan.

What a summer. When I'm here, I cry like a baby and feel sick to my stomach. Back "home" I have a great time and enjoy life again, unless I think of leaving again.

I first went back 9 days after coming up for work, which gave me two weeks of work. I left for "home" on Thursday night, after attempting to clean up a flooded bedroom (8" of rain in 2 days in a flat city = not good). I was off until Wednesday. Dan was fishing with his relatives that weekend, not to come back until Sunday. Father's Day was good. We went biking with my dad, and then I got to see Dan again. I love that guy. It felt so right to be with him, in his arms. It's hard to see why it can't be like that all the time.

When it was time to come back up again, I cried my heart out again. The apartment was still wet, and I slept on the living room floor. The owner was able to get everything cleaned up eventually, but the carpet had to go and the bottom portion of the wall had to be replaced. I'm happy with what they've done, and I plan on staying in this unit. So far, it's the only place to feel kind of like a home, and Dan's not even here yet. The adventures of getting the bedroom fixed kept me quite busy. The first 48 hours here are the toughest every time, but I still find ways to cry every day. Sick sick sick.

I went back after another 9 days (2 work weeks again). Dan was waiting for me, and we went fishing on the back lake. That was my craving since being gone, and we were able to catch some fish. We went out to the lake that weekend, and he took me out tubing and fishing some more. The lake is great, and we get to sleep on the couch bed together. We went to the church celebration on the 3rd and caught up with some people again. We spent the 4th with my family, playing frisbee golf. The following weekend, we went out to the lake for some more fishing and tubing. On Sunday, we rushed back for my mom's birthday - more tubing.

When I dropped Dan off at his house, I got really sad at the thought of only 2 more days with him. I cried on the inside through dinner and then on the outside while writing a note to my parents about my struggles. They waited until Monday night to talk to me about it, and I cried the whole time. It's hard trying to keep busy, because I know that everything I am doing is alone. I can't go for a short drive to visit anyone. That is the difficulty of having a great fiance and a loving family - there is so much to miss. They are all back there with each other every day, and life goes on for them. It drags on for me. It's hard seeing that things keep moving when you're not there. Being apart is not fun for Dan, but it's not hard because he has all of those people there all the time. I left last night in a cloud of tears, wanting to call in sick and spend another day with them, knowing that it would only be harder to have another day anticipating leaving. I called both of my sisters on the way up, and talked to my mom. It made the drive easier, for sure. My parents saw my sadness before leaving last night and let me take their dog too. It's twice as much for me to worry about, so I don't spend so much time fretting.

I got a call from work this morning - they don't need me. Shit. It wasn't even 6 yet, so I thought about driving back. I could be there by 8:30, which is when Dan gets to work. I could stay until about 7, and still be back in time for work tomorrow. Too bad gas is so expensive. It made me cry some more, at the thought of a day with family and Dan lost. They don't know until early morning if they'll need me, but I just wish they could have told me sooner, like last night before I left. This time I'll be here for 3 weeks of work, so 15 days. It's awful going into it, and I know I'll be okay. I keep telling myself that nobody is making me stay here. It is not my jail. If I need to go back sooner than 15 days, I can do that. I will do whatever it takes to get through. It's just a lot of crying and hard work. I call my mom all the time for reassurance. I was telling Kim that I don't know how she survives at camp for 10 weeks without ever coming back. She pointed out that she has the same people around her all day every day, and they have so many activities going that she has to try to find time to herself. I don't have a choice - I'm going to be by myself at home or around a new batch of people at work every day.

The good news is that after these 15 days, I will visit family for 6 days and then come back up here for only 10 days. Then I am back to get my wisdom teeth out, stay in town for 5 days, and then come back up here with Dan. Basically, summer is almost over. That thought is all that keeps me going. I have no idea how I survived two years at the U. I guess roommates helped more than I ever thought!

My mom keeps telling me that Dan and I can get married next May if we want to. She is in on all of the planning, and actually has a lot of good ideas. You'd think her oldest daughter is getting married or something. I agree that next May would be just fine, BUT. I want to know that when I am married, I get to keep my husband. This being away from the person I'm supposed to spend the rest of my life with stuff is just stupid. I want our wedding to be a celebration of a life to be shared together, a celebration of making it through our time apart. Dan is willing to go with me to school, but he has to find a job there, preferably with the DNR. If he has an opening somewhere, he has to take it. That is just too big of a chance to take. Besides, we're not going anywhere.

We took the place with the great owner. I just got notice in the mail that he is selling the place. Funny. I do like this new place, and it should work out. The only thing wrong with it right now is that it's missing Dan.

We skipped my graduation and headed out to the cabin for fishing opener. It was nice to spend a relaxing weekend out at the lake enjoying the sun. Dan started working for my parents' business, so we were both there every day. At a bonfire the following weekend, we were able to catch up with some people. I had 3 drinks and talked too much. I missed some of those people so much and didn't realize it.

The following weekend was the canoe trip - 24 people, mostly my mom's side of the family and some friends. Dan kept grabbing my dishes for me and getting me hot cocoa and packing up the canoe each morning. Gomie ran off on Saturday morning and I was frantic. I realized then how important those two are to me - he is my sun: the whole world revolves around him, and Gomie is my moon and my stars: without her, there is no night. On Sunday morning, the sun was shining and just on the river through the first set of rapids, Dan said, "Now before the day gets any better or any worse, will you marry me?" I turned around in shock, said what, and then started to cry. I caught my breath, said yes, and he pulled the ring out of his bag. Wow. It's not the way anyone else would do it- it's the way Dan would do it, and I wouldn't have it any other way. We made the announcement at camp, and a cousin said that he's always been part of the family.

We haven't set a date yet, as it depends on what I hear from grad schools this fall. Tentatively, we're looking at April 24, 2010. We have lots of things picked out already for wedding stuff, as we've been talking about this for quite a while. Now it's a matter of finding out if everything will all work together. In the end, I don't care too much about the details- I just want Danny.

One short week after Dan proposed, I moved to the apartment alone (with Gomie). I've been a mess of tears since Sunday night, and I doubt my ability to do this. I'm not just without Dan; the only comforting body I have is Gomie. It's so hard, and I'm flooded with remembrance of those hard years at the U. I hate so much being away from everyone and everything that I know. I've prayed for strength to get through this; it will never be easy and I don't expect it to be fun, but I want to make it through. I hope that this summer will give my application that boost to get me in to PA schools. I've begged Dan to go with me. I just don't know that I have it in me to be torn away from him again. I start crying at any given time, whether or not I'm at work, and the littlest things set me off.

Last Monday, I came back from class and there was water all over the apartment floor. After shutting off the water main to the whole house, we called the landlord and told him of the troubles. A plumber came to fix the clog, but tore up some of our carpet while doing so. We kept the fans running over the week, with two soaked closets and a soaked hallway. It seems like it is dry, but we can't be sure that mold won't grow. But... we're out in just over a week. To get our place ready for tours, I put little signs on everything that is broken or doesn't work well. That way, they at least get the real story! Wouldn't it be nice if all of the world worked like that?

We also had an apartment tour last week, and got to see a one bedroom place. It was really beautiful, and fully remodeled - new floors, carpet, light fixtures, stainless steel refrigerator, huge kitchen and bathroom, heat and water paid... Dan and I both liked it immediately. It's smaller than the place we have now, which is my biggest worry, but I know I would feel safe there by myself in the summer. The owner was really great though, and I want to stay in one of his properties. We spent an hour talking with him in that one apartment.

I worked both days again over the weekend. Yesterday was the best day and worst day all in one. I worked really hard every minute I was there, and I helped out a lot of the other people. I usually get a special 'thank you' while I am there, but yesterday everyone sought me out to thank me for all of my help, and I was feeling pretty good about it. Right at the end of my shift, I went into a patient's room. All he needed was help getting back to bed from the bathroom, so it should have been pretty simple. All of a sudden, he started yelling at me to get out of his room. To keep this story somewhat short, he yelled at me for 20 minutes about stuff that I have no control over and really doesn't make any sense. It was very hard to deal with, but I managed to stay in control and give him polite answers. By the time I got out of his room, I clocked out and headed home. By the time I got in the door, I was bawling. I don't understand how people can be so mean to someone they don't even know. I didn't do anything wrong, but he made me feel like I had. It's a good thing I come home to some really great family!!

Dan and I have been rollerblading a lot lately, to the point where Gomie got sick. She was really under the weather last week, so we took it easy for a couple of days. We're trying to help her sleep through the night by working her during the day. I had to get up every night for a week to let her outside. It's fun to take her out during the day, because most people do love dogs, especially the sweet little ones.

Dan probably just sold his old truck! Someone was out to see it, and they called and offered him cash. We're both excited by the price, and I think it's a good deal for both parties. He hasn't been too short on money lately, but it's always nice to have some extra just in case.

There are only have four days of classes left. Even though this is dead week, I still have a lot of class work to do, not to mention studying for finals. But there is a light at the end of the tunnel- I will be graduating Friday, May 11! And fishing opener is the 12th, and then a chance to see my friends on the 19th, and then my family canoe trip the following weekend. And then I'm back up here with my little one for the summer, just the two of us. If anyone has some extra time over the summer and wants a little road trip, you know where to go!!

I think we could all learn a lot from our pets. The most valuable lessons from my dog:
-Do not hold a grudge. It's too much work, and you have less fun with that extra weight on your shoulders.
-Give all of the love that you have to give.
-Find happiness in the little things, like every time someone looks at you.
-Always be there for the people that need you (and feed you!).
-Show appreciation for those around you whenever possible.
-Good looks and charm will get you far, but in the end it is what is in your heart that really matters.

I love that dog to pieces. *sigh* We had her first vet appointment together, and I was very satisfied with how it went. She was pretty sore after the shots, and the Lyme vaccination made her stiff for a couple of days, but she is back to her cute, normal self and ready to go canoeing with her family.

It is very difficult finding a home for her for next year. A lot of the places that allow dogs are over $700 per month for one bedroom. Yikes. I'm getting so desperate at this point that I'm considering a house north of campus- $500 per month. We'd have our own yard, and maybe Dan would be able to get a dog for hunting season. Shoveling isn't a big deal; we did all of that this year because our landowner is lazy. I'm just ready to move again, and I really hope we can find a nice place for our rent. The dog is staying!

I had my one year assessment at work yesterday. I had to fill out some forms in advance, and my boss did the same. We talked about my progress and she has heard nothing but good things about me. It was really nice to hear, and it refreshed my attitude about work. When I get home and Dan tells me I have to get in the shower so I don't expose our home to MRSA, C-Diff, and other lovely diseases... or when I stand in urine because a patient didn't WANT to go to the bathroom... I have had some really sweet patients in the mix, and some extremely helpful coworkers that make the day more bearable. No two days are ever the same!

I applied for the master's program here for psychology. I followed up with the graduate school, because my last reference letter finally came in, six weeks late!! They do not send the application over until they get all of the pieces, so my entire application is late. They said the only thing missing was my transcripts, which I have ordered twice already, from the same school! I had them resubmit the order, and then proceeded to the psych department. The instructor I talked to there said they had already chosen their applicants for next year, BUT they had a weird pool this year and chose not to fill all of their slots, SO if they felt I would be a good fit, it's not too late yet. He mentioned that they typically receive notification from the grad school that someone has started an application, but they didn't. They had no idea I was even applying until I called his office! He is concerned that my lack of experience in the psychology field will be a big factor, but he is sure that I have the grades and GRE scores to back up my application. He will send it around with a note explaining the delay to the faculty members, and my application will finally be considered. It's so frustrating, because the same school screwed up every single part of this application. Even the late reference letters were both from this school.

And last, if you have some time this week, take a moment to think about our world right now, especially the tragic events at Virginia Tech. Take some time and pray for all of those affected, and spread a little kindness wherever you can.

I went to California with my parents for spring break. We spent time in San Diego, Palm Springs, Mexico, at Six Flags, and did a couple of winery tours. I hate beer, and I'm very picky about wine, but I love mixed drinks! The weather was so beautiful- warm and sunshine all week.

Gomie got to play with Tigger for 3 weeks, since Ash was in Georgia for one of them. It was lots of fun to watch them play, and I think Tigger even had fun.

Dan got a new truck! He found a great deal and went for it. It's older and has more miles than his other one, but it has all of the "extras" he was hoping for. I think we'll both be happy with it. I got to take it for a drive on Sunday... it is a LOT more truck than his Ranger! Kim, see facebook for the picture.

My birthday was good. I went out to dinner with my family and had three strawberry margaritas. We then went back to my parents' house and I got to try lots of stuff. My favorites were coconut rum (mmm, Malibu) and Irish Cream Liquer. My legs kept feeling all hot and tingly, like they were blushing. Sure enough, I had bright red circles on my legs. Weird. The next day, we celebrated my cousin's 2nd birthday. My uncle had a lot of stuff that my parent's didn't- Dekuyper Pucker, Smirnoff orange vodka, Jack Daniels, Southern Comfort, some blackberry stuff, nasty beer... I tried them all. I did get made fun of for not going out, but my parents were willing to buy me anything I wanted to try. I haven't drank much, so it was nice to figure things out first.

As I'm trying to find a new vet for Gomie, I have been calling a LOT of different places, looking for the right fit for both of us and my checkbook. I'm faced with difficult decisions, like whether or not to do some of the vaccinations. So many of the doses are too high for our little ones, and they can actually cause more harm than good. If they're not protected though, they could get really sick.

One of the websites had this story, and I thought it was worth sharing.

How true...

Being a veterinarian, I had been called to examine a ten-year old Irish Wolfhound named Belker. The dog's owners, Ron, his wife, Lisa, and their little boy, Shane, were all very attached to Belker and they were hoping for a miracle.

I examined Belker and found he was dying of cancer. I told the family we couldn't do anything for Belker, and offered to perform the euthanasia procedure for the old dog in their home.

As we made arrangements, Ron and Lisa told me they thought it would be good for the four-year old Shane to observe the procedure. They felt as though Shane might learn something from the experience.

The next day, I felt the familiar catch in my throat as Belker's family surrounded him. Shane seemed so calm, petting the old dog for the last time, that I wondered if he understood what was going on. Within a few minutes, Bel ker slipped peacefully away. The little boy seemed to accept Belker's transition without any difficulty or confusion

We sat together for a while after Belker's death, wondering aloud about the sad fact that animal lives are shorter than human lives.

Shane, who had been listening quietly, piped up, "I know why."

Startled, we all turned to him. What came out of his mouth next stunned me. I'd never heard a more comforting explanation.

He said, "People are born so that they can learn how to live a good life - - like loving everybody all the time and being nice, right?"
The four-year-old continued, "Well, dogs already know how to do that, so they don't have to stay as long."

Guess I've been a little busy lately. 19 credits and work every weekend has certainly taken its toll. So much so that I said that lipids are water-soluble on an exam. Woops.

I started looking at apartments again. This place just isn't working in the winter. We'll both freeze to death before we turn up the heat and spend more money. It also doesn't help that there was a hole in our closet. It got pretty cold in there- the laundry detergent was frozen! We fixed it by nailing extra carpet to the wall.

I came home from work Super Bowl Sunday, and Dan said he never even went to work. He had me go look at his truck. It was all smashed in the front, the airbags went off... his truck!! He told me about the accident - rear wheel drive up the icy bridge, his tires lost grip, he crossed the other lane of traffic and hit the cement barriers. He was okay though. The insurance wrote him a check, and now he gets to decide whether he fixes the truck or sells it for parts. I made taco salad, peanut butter cookies, and blueberry muffins. I was nervous, and those are his favorites.

Gomie gave us quite the surprise the other day. We came home from a lab exam, and heard her whining, but she wouldn't come to us. Dan turned the corner toward the kitchen and said, "No fucking way." She was stuck in the window. We put plastic over the windows, and the basement has high windows. She jumped from a kitchen chair to the counter, to the microwave, and through the plastic over the window. She probably would have been okay, but her collar got stuck on the blinds and held her there until we came home. Somehow, she was okay too- just a little bit scared.

Valentine's was great for us. We started out the day with heart-shaped french toast. After classes, we ordered a pizza and opened presents. He got a DVD and I got my favorite candies. We watched Cars and One Tree Hill. We wanted to go somewhere to celebrate together, but I got selfish and wanted it to be our Valentine's Day, not shared with everyone else. So Olive Garden was out of the question. It was nice to have time to spend together, just the two of us.

I'm turning 21 tomorrow, and I am so excited!

I think I found the dog I would have if I didn't have Gomie. There is a 5-yr-old Westie (cute, cute, cute!) listed in the St. Cloud Times. For FREE. Too bad Ash's bf's dad won't let them get another dog. And everyone I know already has a dog. What a perfect size for an indoor dog! If Gomie didn't love being an only child so much, and if I had deeper pockets, I'd definitely look into this. So let everyone know that there is a cute dog for free! And then let me visit it. :)

I'm going to California for spring break. It's going to be a long time until then! I'm taking 19 credits, and it turns out that they're more work than I was expecting- even the "easy" ones. I've also been working every weekend. I'm taking off Sunday to prepare for three exams next week. I love science...

Since I didn't get in to the programs I wanted, I decided to go to grad school next year. I'll keep working, and I will have more on my applications for PA school. I'm looking at two different master's programs, but I'm not sure what I would be able to do with one of them. Plus, when I mentioned going into psychology, Dan hated the idea. I've wanted to go into medicine for so long, and now everything is changing. I still want to become a PA, but I'm trying to have something to fall back on.

Dan has been so helpful with all of this too. He's been so patient and understanding, and he's been cooking a lot lately. He's also been waiting for me outside of class to walk to my next class or walk home with me. I think we've decided not to do gifts for Valentine's Day, and spend time together instead.

Gomie had so much fun with Addie over winter break, so I asked Ash if we can borrow Tigger. She said yes! So Gomie gets to play with Tigger for 3 weeks. I know she likes being an "only child," but she also enjoys the play time.

Finals were good. I got to my parents' after and worked a lot. I finally have enough money for rent. It was enough to get the business ready for everyone to be gone for a week. Christmas was great; this is the first Christmas in several years that I haven't watched Dan's every move to see if he was pulling out the ring, and it felt really good. I got some amazing presents, including opening up a box with Gomie inside.

The week after Christmas was busy, between work, getting ready for vacation and spending time with my sweetie before leaving, and getting ready for his family's first wedding. I didn't have time for anyone when I was there, and as horrible as it is to say, it felt nice to get in the van away from the stress of the past week and just be done with it. I slept about 15 hours in the van, and felt even better.

Over vacation, I skied, relaxed in the beautiful hot springs of Colorado, read some books for FUN, and got a lot of scrapbooking done. All the same, vacation is a lot of work, and it's not supposed to be. As much as my parents want to spend time with their family for a week, all I want is to spend time with MY family without the stress of school and work. I realized why these vacations are so important to them - it sucks to go on vacation without those that are dearest to you. It really does.

We got back from vacation early enough on Sunday, so I had time to stop by Dan's family's house, and I got to see both of my babies again. I've been away from Dan for a month at a time, but a week is the longest I've been away from Gomie. I love those two to no end. I'm glad to be back to taking care of myself, Dan, and our dog. I'm glad not to have to worry about cleaning up after anyone else or worrying about anyone else.

Dan ordered his first official drink at the wedding. I convinced him to try a Strawberry Daiquiri wine cooler, because I know he doesn't like the stronger stuff. He liked it! So that brings me to the topic of my 21st. I will be going to dinner with my family when I get into town, but then I don't know what to do. My mom offered to buy me whatever I would like, as long as I stay home. I sort of want to go somewhere or do something, but not something big... and my friends either aren't 21 yet or are from separate groups. Maybe I have a quiet evening and wait until summer to have a drinking party with some friends. Any suggestions would be appreciated.

I applied to four graduate programs and got rejection letters from all four. I was a little bit disappointed, because I've always been good enough to get in anywhere I wanted, until now. At the same time, I felt relieved. I didn't want to have to leave Dan for school yet again, and I knew I would be miserable if I had to go to school so far away. This means that it'll be 3 1/2 years until I'm done with school (assuming I get in for 2008). When I told him we wait 3 1/2 years now to get married, it seemed to click how far that is. The only other option is May '08, between his graduation and my leaving for school. Um, 3 1/2 years is fine. A year and a half isn't that long, and I don't want to run away to grad school less than a month after getting married. I really want to have time to spend on a honeymoon and settling in to a new home.

I'm appalled by this. I even retook it and got the same results. Is it so bad to think that true love and happy endings exist?

I had my presentation for senior seminar on Friday. I was so nervous, but I think it went pretty well. Hey, at least it's over with! I decided that after attending 13 hours of presentations in 2 days, I'd take today off of work. I fell asleep on the couch at 10 last night, went to bed at 11, and woke up at 9:30 this morning. I feel so, so good. I had a brunch of waffles and an omelet with my sweetie. 49 months and still going strong!

I watched The Little Mermaid last night - my new DVD. I just love that movie. It never gets old. What a beautiful movie.